Have you ever envied the person who does most things sub-par and still creates tremendous success and genuinely lives a happy “balanced” life? This and follow-up posts examine what keeps most people from being able to accomplish this and what to do about it.
As many books state, the secret is reducing “to dos” (less is more) and doing most things sub-par or delegating, saving most of your focus and energy for the genius/talents that you have and can easily express and share for great value. Easier said than done?
The reasons for failure to achieve this are that most folks:
1) are perfectionists,
2) believe their value increases the more they do, and
3) fear that when some thing hits their desk, it won’t get done if not done right away.
Before you dismiss the idea that you are a perfectionist, hear me out. Most perfectionists are “in disguise” because you can’t be a perfectionist at everything and still produce perfection. I’ve had clients initially refute the idea by pointing out how messy their closet is or how they are ok making typos.
After a little digging, we find that they have a fear of “not knowing how to do it right, or doing it wrong” that they apply blindly to every situation that is new. It can surface if you become an entrepreneur for the first time, if you take a new lead role in your company or become a CEO of a new company. It can surface in your first job. (Sigh…when I first graduated from law school…cringe-no school teaches you how to be a lawyer.)
Reason 1: Perfectionism. As usual, I’ll use myself as an example. I recently created a second web site to focus on my one-on-one executive subconscious coaching practice. When I received feedback on how it needed to improve, I felt a strong pull inside me to focus extreme amounts of time on perfecting it—this irrational voice/fear welled up that I would turn away business if I didn’t make it right. Of course, if you look online at web sites of folks who are highly established and well-regarded, you will see plenty of junky sites. And, my business was already doing well without the extra site. There was no need to obsess over it. Doing so took time away from doing my joyful Bridgenosis work, which created a self-fulfilling prophecy. (And it still needs more work, but I’m letting it go for now!)
A balanced approach would have been to create an outline of steps and set aside chunks of time here and there to accomplish it. But, it gnawed away at me until I had an “a ha” moment and Bridgenosis-ed the mind pattern away.
I also realized a constant underlying thought, “I don’t know how to do this” and “Am I doing right?” “Is it good enough?” which has led me to push away some important tasks and to overly-research and perfect others.
How many times did you get corrected when you were a kid? We have established an entire education system and process specifically geared towards teaching humans “the right way” before they are old enough to independently venture into the world.
Don’t get me wrong. I think education is valuable. Without it, each generation would reinvent the world, and we wouldn’t have all the advancements that we now have.
However, the mindset that succeeds in our educational structures creates a stressful and less successful and imbalanced life after graduation. When you were in school, there was generally a designated answer and you were graded on whether you were good enough. Perfectionism was encouraged. When you venture into the world, you get to (need to) relax and let the answers come from within and trust they are perfect as they come through. The most valuable mindset you can have is trusting yourself to know how to do what you came into this life to do-trusting and using your raw talents and abilities, pulling from your knowledge as guided internally to do so. It may mean being inspired to learn how to do something or it may mean going with your instinct to act or communicate in a given moment.
There’s no universally “right way” to accomplish what you uniquely came to accomplish in your life other than the way your internal compass guides you to go. Click to Tweet!
After all, if everyone looked to everyone else for the answer, how could the answers surface? Click to Tweet!
And, not everything has to be done at the “grade A” level for you to have impact. In fact, if you are going for an “A” on all your actions, your diluting your impact with scattered focus and energies. Your gifts, which always come through you with ease and joy in the most perfect way possible- come through your genius. You know, that thing you do so well that everyone else is in awe and yet because it’s so easy that you don’t see why others find it so great? That’s all you need to focus upon-letting that through. It’s already going to be an “A” while everything else you do should just support this. And, if it supports the outward flow of sharing your genius, it’s good enough. It doesn’t have to be tweaked over and over. No gold star will be given. If anything, the time taken away from using your gift will decrease your prosperity.
The good news is that the subconscious mind loves to change programs. It wants to graduate, too. But, it doesn’t do it automatically. That’s where conscious awareness and special techniques that tap the subconscious, such as Bridgenosis®, come in handy.
Is there anything that you “think” needs perfecting before you will be a success? Check and see how you feel when you focus on it. If you feel stress, there’s likely an underlying fear driving it, which means the activity is excessive. If you feel inspired and excited to go the distance, then go for it. Feel free to share in the comments below.
If you need help facilitating a mental graduation so that you can create the life you want and stop envying others who are already doing it, learn more here. Next post, we’ll delve deeper into and debunk “The more you do, the more valuable you are.”