Since spring is the time to burst from the ground into action, it’s good to know when to be persistent and when to step back. Learn from my mistakes…
Picture the Kool-Aid Man bursting through the wall only to be greeted by a street gang in a dark alley. Definitely not what he was expecting.
While it would be extreme to say that my strong persistence and determination to get a project done quickly resulted in something so dramatic happening, this was about how I felt earlier this year.
Quick Background: I’ve been wanting to create a movement in which “Bridgenosis-ing” a challenging situation, obstacle or effort to reach a goal is the mainstream response. “Bridgenosis-ing” means spotting and deleting limiting beliefs from the subconscious that are sabotaging a person’s (or group’s) effort to be in the flow, trusting one’s gut or internal compass, to create success.
Since limiting beliefs (which every human has) are hidden in the subconscious, our instinct is to look outward for the cause of a problem. (victim mode) Bridgenosis is the process of looking inward for the cause…ask, “How am I getting in my own way and attracting this challenge?” to spot the theme, the pattern that’s at play, and then delete it. (empowerment mode)
While I already help people learn how one-on-one and in groups, I needed a way to help more people without me being involved-to reach wider numbers and to provide a more empowering and less costly approach. I finally had an “a ha” moment: Create a Self-Guided Entrepreneur Mindshifter program. People can uncover their blocks and then use the Bridgenosis hypnosis audios to delete them. My excitement plus an opportunity to market this to a specific audience within a short time window that was rapidly approaching had me feeling like I needed it done yesterday.
What went down: I was overwhelmed with Kool-Aid Man energy ready to burst through any and all walls to get it done. After all, persistence pays off, right?
After some research, I realized I would need to hire someone technical to create the assessment. Lacking extra capital and the patience to go raise it, I ventured over to O-Desk to see if I could find an intelligent programmer living in an inexpensive part of the world. To meet the marketing opportunity window while accommodating a mini-vacay I had previously scheduled, I had less than a week to find someone to trust with my baby.
Hint from Gut #1 Ignored: It was an exhausting process as I learned from each person some new criteria I needed to add, such as PHP experience. And, the language barrier with the candidates in my cheap price range was a bit frustrating-it took 10 times longer to explain what I needed, over and over.
Hint from Gut #2 Ignored: There was nothing serendipitous about the process–no easy flow–in fact, in hind-site as I “Bridgenosis-ed” my own situation, I realized my gut was trying to redirect me, but my mind was stuck in Kool-Aid Man Mode. (In a moment, I’ll tell you what limiting belief was keeping me from hearing and following my gut.)
Hint from Gut #3 Ignored: In fact, during a SKYPE call with the company I hired (in poor judgment, in desperation), I kept hearing a very loud train sound piercing my ears so badly I had to remove my ear phones and stop the conversation each time. They didn’t hear the sound. I have used SKYPE with clients many times and never experienced such interference.
Multiple Hints: To make a long story short, the programing company gamed the ODesk system by appearing to do the work but actually making mistake after mistake, running up the time, doing opposite from what I asked, so on and so on.
I had to cut the project off so that I wouldn’t keep getting billed. Yes, I realize now, I should have had it set on fixed fee. Even better, I should not have hired them. I’m still waiting to hear if ODesk is going to slap them or make them refund my money–they don’t generally get involved with disputes, so I’m not holding my breath. (Update: ODesk stepped up and made them give me half of my money back.)
We can talk all day about how to avoid fraud, but that’s victim-mode analysis and conversation. Let’s talk about how I was getting in my own way. Maybe you will recognize this and it will help you.
The “a ha” moment surfaced while I was in Seattle visiting friends:
I had never been to Seattle, and none of my friends there warned me about the Mount Rainier “hiding phenomenon.” I had been pumped to see Mt. Rainier. It was the main thing on my list. However, since Seattle has fog regularly, though, you can’t always see it.
My friend’s kept pointing to where I could see it if it wasn’t hidden by the fog as we were site-seeing. All I could feel was a little ache each time. It became an obsession to try to see it in the little time had I had.
Finally on my last full day, the sun came out, and we were hopeful that Mt. Rainier would come bursting through (Imagine hearing loud “Laaaaaaaa” music in the background as it overwhelms your view; this is how one friend described it, as he was singing and all). So, the whole afternoon, I waited. At first, I kept asking my friends to point to places where I can see it, and we had to go where there would be a view. Then, I realized not only is this annoying but it’s keeping me from enjoying the present moment.
I finally uncovered an auto-pilot subconscious fear of missing out. Don’t know exactly what memory is associated with my mind forming this program, but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that this belief was the underlying current driving my “Kool-Aid Man” energy and actions at work and at play.
You see, when I’m following my internal compass/intuition (aka gut), I’m feeling positive and in the flow meeting serendipity half way. In this case, a fear of missing out was interfering with my ability to do that. I couldn’t even hear my own inner-voice it was so drowned out by the loud subconscious fear of missing out.
It cost me time, energy, and money. And, I did miss out-wasn’t present, missed the deadline, distracted for a time when hanging with my friends-I created evidence of my belief. Under the old victim regime, before I began Bridgenosising situations, I would have been tricked by the creation of my own illusions, and it would have continued to be a self-fulfilling prophesy.
But, I remembered the truth that there is no real “missing out”! We may not always get all that we expect, but I have found that, when I have faith in myself and serendipity, I get better than I expect.
Bottom-Line Answer: There may be times when my gut guides me to speed up or push through to ensure I don’t miss out, but this isn’t one of them. I don’t need an auto-pilot that plays all the time under the surface that gets triggered even when my gut knows something different. To answer my blog title: You know when your gut is creating legitimate Kool-Aid Man energy because you are inspired, and it feels good to move fast. When it’s coming from your subconscious, it’s stressful-anger and anxiety are typically the main motivators. Trust the former.
By deleting the “fear of missing out” with specific tools that communicate with the subconscious, I was able to get back into the flow, hearing and trusting my gut again. And, my stress level went down to neutral. I now have an auto-pilot of trusting my gut to control my speed. It’s far more efficient. If I had deleted it sooner, I wouldn’t have hired that company.
On the last day while I was in the airport, my friend posted this view of Mt. Rainier out my guest room on Facebook-I missed it because it was dark when I left. And, the airport was surrounded by fog.
Shortly after we took off, I got the most amazing view of Mt. Rainier from the plane…was sitting on the right side, at the right time. Pardon my plane photo. It was even more amazing in real life.
As for the online assessment, I found someone to do it, but am on hold waiting for more capital to create an online version. And, then, I had this idea to do it with excel. Turns out one of my best entrepreneur friends is an excel expert and was able to help me with it in very little time. We’ll be releasing it along with the online program very soon! (Update: It’s launched!)
Now that you read this, can you think of any Kool-Aid Man or Woman moments that led you to waste time, energy, and money? Can you relate to this fear? Another fear surface for you? How about “fear of not getting it done on time…”? It’s another version of “fear of missing out” that I plucked from my brain in this process. Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.