Take a moment to think about Valentine’s Day and notice what emotions and thoughts come up for you. If you feel complete joy and peace or even neutrality in your heart, then bask in it and read on (after the first bullet points) to remember why you feel so good and how you might apply it to other areas of your life. If you feel tense, annoyed, irritated, angry, sad, anxious, guilty, neglected, embarrassed, worried or fearful, keep reading.
Valentine’s Day is a day centered on romance (although many of us grew up giving Valentines to our friends and family as well). Most of us associate opening our hearts and Valentine’s Day with connecting to others and outward expressions of love. If you are feeling any negative emotions about this, it’s difficult to feel love/peace or express love, so let’s dissect it and shift to a better-feeling place, from calling for love (which is what we do when we aren’t feeling it) to being love (which is ultimately the only way to feel love).
Here’s a list of thoughts that may be interfering with your ability to feel good:
· Sad or Fearful: I don’t have a romantic relationship now, so this may mean I’m unlovable or worst yet, I may never find my “one.” My valentine is far away.
· Worry or Tense or Anxious: I’m in a new relationship, and I don’t know what to get them…worry thoughts about not giving enough or giving too much emerge. What if I like them more than they like me or vice-versa?
· Embarrassed or Neglected: That you gave and they didn’t give you anything. Either because they forgot or didn’t feel ready to acknowledge the holiday with you or they ran out of time. Or, maybe you forgot, so are embarrassed. Or, maybe they planned to break things off…
· Guilty or Irritated or Annoyed: I’m in a dying relationship, and I feel bad about ending it so close to Valentine’s Day (before or after), and I’m not feeling a strong connection but feel an obligation to buy that token gift because they are a good person. You love them still but not like the way you once thought. You wish it wasn’t V-Day so you could ignore this fact.
· Angry: You forgot and you are mad at yourself. You only got a card. You wanted roses but got flowers or chocolate. You have to work late or your Valentine has to work late so you can’t do anything special that day. You wish they would treat you like you are special year around…Valentine’s Day is stupid since we should be doing this every day or because it is a waste of time.
· Bored: Maybe deep down, if you’re really honest, the holiday bores you because you’ve been there and done that and you and your partner are pretty comfortable with each other. You kind of wish you felt a little more passion about the day.
If any of these thoughts (or similar ones) resonate with you, stop thinking them for a moment. The truth is that what happens or doesn’t happen on Valentine’s Day only has the meaning you give it. We all have the capacity to feel love or inner-peace at any given moment, even every moment, if we choose. If you wait for something particular to happen (someone else to do or say something, to achieve a goal, to receive something, to give something, to say or do something, to meet someone, to leave someone, to start something, to end something, to be something, etc.) before you can feel that inner-peace, that “I’m awesome just because I feel like feeling awesome,” that joy for just being, then you may be waiting a long time. Or, perhaps you are only allowing it in spurts as the conditions are met.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t have goals, visions, desires, outward connections, actions, etc. These external factors play a role in living a fulfilling life, but they are not a source of joy/peace. We have to go inward for that, which is explains why a day at the beach, a vacation, or a run along the river can result in peace and joy. It’s not the location or action that causes us to be love. Rather, we reconnect with who we really are when we strip away our outward interactions during these moments, and then we find peace. Take the time to do this where you are…don’t wait for a vacation or time of day.
Since peace comes from within, whatever your situation is today, allow yourself to feel peace. Stop with the excuses. Take a second to consciously breath deeply and remember that truth-that you have the capacity to feel love anywhere, anytime, around anyone. Connect to the infinite part of you that is not limited to time or space or any of the thousands of conditions/excuses we have created. The truth that trumps the scenarios above:
· Of course you are loveable. What does having a Valentine have to do with that? Love yourself however you are today. Be confident as you look around at all the happy couples that it’s possible for you to create that too, but don’t wait for it to feel good. Feel good now. Feel good even if you can’t be with your Valentine today.
· So what if you like someone more or they like you more? It doesn’t have to mean anything when you know that we all have this capacity to be and feel love for ourselves regardless of what gift is bought. Take a breath and let your intuition guide you to the best course of action.
· Be proud of who you are and give yourself some attention. When you give yourself attention, it will be impossible for you to feel neglected by someone else’s lack or embarrassed.
· Trust that the other person can find love the same way you can. Don’t play into anything different. It’s a trick. It’s an illusion. Guilt can be such a thief…reach into your heart for a solution. V-Day doesn’t have to be for romantic love. You can show appreciation if you still feel some however feels right. Trust what feels right. Do that.
· Gain control by remembering the true source of love and then allow yourself to feel it. Nothing else matters. Commit to doing this regularly, and you won’t feel angry even if you forget to cross your T’s. Let go and forgive yourself for not doing this a moment ago so you don’t waste another moment. For those holding your breath because you think that if you start to feel good, something bad will happen, just let go. Feeling good is never the cause.
· If you turn inward regularly to feel good, you will never feel bored.
Take this relaxed feeling and apply it to any topics or tasks that are before you. Notice the thoughts that come to you in this state. Notice the inspiration as you allow a new perspective to take hold. Remember that we all have this capacity to feel good by being the love that we want and that if we make it our overarching goal to be love, then there won’t be a need to call for love. Notice how efficient we become when we aren’t wasting our time calling for love because we are committed to feeling love no matter what.
To learn more ways to feel good wherever you are: Schedule a Bridgenosis appointment or complimentary pre-consultation by calling (202) 709-6013.